We are the Problem

But we tend to blame others

Good morning, beautiful humans! I'm writing this with what I'm calling "rain man feels" - those who know me know what I’m talking about - those who don’t… ask away haha. But the gist of it is that I have extra strong feelings about everything. Spoiler alert: I survived, everyone is good and fine, and I'm still finding big feels in place I didn’t think. Sooooo, grab your favorite Sunday beverage and let's catch up, maybe not quite for a Sunday Brunch seeing that it’s almost lunch time.

Family Slice

It happened, so far we’ve had a rigid structure every single week until last week. I completely crumbled down because of some personal issues and I had to spill the news to the family that I won’t be available for any scheduling this week. Interestingly enough we did ended up going to many of our favorite places but instead of me taking care of the kids they were a little bit more self-serve this week.

The week taught me things about our family dynamics that I hadn't noticed before. The kids adapted to the change faster and with more empathy than I adapted to not having my morning coffee routine. And I discovered that I actually enjoy being taken care of by my family, even though it’s not their job.

But here's what struck me most: how quickly we all relaxed into different versions of ourselves. Without strict oversight, schedules, and the usual distractions, we had space for conversations that don't usually happen. We told stories, played card games, and my boy actually read the first two Harry Potter books and is now well versed in that universe. My girl was consistent in bringing me my carrot squish mellow whenever tears welled up and I’m such a proud parent to see them grow to be such empathetic human beings, truly.

Honestly, these shared challenges created bonds that feel different from our everyday family connections. We proved to ourselves that we can handle more than we think we can. I’m finding comfort in knowing that I have special needs and that my family can handle, and more importantly wants to handle, those special needs.

This Week's Special

If you'll indulge me, please allow me to share some raw thoughts this week. I typically offer nuanced theological reflections, but sometimes the frustration needs to come out unfiltered. Last year when I went offline for a couple of months, this exact topic swirled me into depression. Harriet in Geek Girl said at some point “do you ever feel like a polar bear in a jungle?” I feel EXACTLY the same way 😭

Getting back on social media for book promotion has been... educational. I created a Threads account and was promptly obliterated by both progressives and conservatives, all adhering to the same binary thinking patterns. Last year I wrote an article about the boolean logic that dominates both sides, and today it feels more relevant than ever.

For those who are new here: when I was 18, I tattooed "only a fool trusts his life to a weapon" on my back. I fought with my rabbis about their unrelenting support for Israel's military. I fundamentally believe Judaism is pacifist, which is why I am a pacifist.*

With that context, I'm asking you not to accuse me of things I'm not saying.

After almost two years of relentless war and death, the situation in Gaza is arguably worse than when it started. What frustrates me most is watching online discourse where everyone points fingers at anyone but themselves. We pat ourselves on the back for making statements early, showing up to protests, and joining the BDS movement. But I believe this performative activism is fueling the problem, and we've seen evidence of its ineffectiveness over the past years.

Think about it: Columbia University settled their protests, a VCU student got her degree denied, and the stock market bounced back showing resilience. Meanwhile, my social media feeds are full of people expressing outrage about the humanitarian crisis in Gaza. I share that outrage - how can we watch this without feeling sick? But I fundamentally disagree with the progressive movement's approach, especially progressive Christianity. While I don't blame them for causing the war, I do believe their naivety and privilege make them unable to see that they're chief contributors to it.

I'm talking about tax dollars, yes. But more importantly, I'm talking about our mental models, our refusal to give up actual profits, and our desperate desire to find a scapegoat.

Our mental models demand scapegoats. By definition, the scapegoat is someone other than you. By definition, you can't be the cause of the problem. By definition, a scapegoat is the most obvious choice to blame. But if we look beneath the surface, how much are we actually willing to sacrifice our comfort?

Let's start with a neutral example: Palo Alto, generally considered liberal territory, faces constant lawsuits over zoning restrictions and state compliance. The underlying issue? People worry that apartment complexes will decrease their home values. The hypocrisy is crystal clear. As progressives, we believe in equity until it hits our wallets - then our philosophical positions change quickly.

Apply this to Gaza, and you see the exact same pattern. Progressives want the war to end and blame tax dollars and representatives for funding it. I won't dispute that Trump and Biden enabled this war - though true democracy is hard to find anywhere. The US operates as a democracy with heavy meritocratic influence. Yes, our political system bears responsibility, but the real money comes from personal investments. When I ran a theoretical model, I wasn't surprised to discover that people with 401Ks spend seven times more on the Gaza war through investments than through tax dollars.

I was explaining to a close friend that I can't discuss Gaza without conversations immediately turning to Trump, tax dollars, and the need for public statements. I told her I have no idea how to explain that the average American is equally responsible but unwilling to give up comfort and profit. As Dr. Bettina Love puts it, they're unwilling to move from ally to co-conspirator. An ally speaks out and loses some status; a co-conspirator loses comfort and wealth. The average American posting "Free Palestine" is likely sipping a latte funded by their personal investments - blood money.

The examples are endless. I see Dutch friends protesting American involvement in Gaza while staying silent about their country's support for the war in West Papua. I see people supporting BDS to target companies making bombs for Gaza without understanding that their very existence needs boycotting, not just Intel or Palantir. (And if you don't know who Palantir is but have "Free Palestine" in your IG bio, shame on you.)

This pattern extends beyond politically sensitive topics. It's people saying "I don't order from Amazon" without understanding that a single mom with three jobs has no choice but to order from Amazon because she lives in a food desert. It's people saying "Taylor Swift flies too much" while eating meat daily and actively participating in global warming, since the meat industry causes 18% of global greenhouse gas emissions. It's people buying wood products that promise to plant trees, even though studies show that simply planting trees can increase greenhouse emissions.

So yes, I'm frustrated by people who say "Free Palestine" but never check their investment portfolios. It's easy to blame others when we are the problem.

• Absolute Pacifism - Complete rejection of all violence and war under any circumstances, often rooted in religious convictions that violence is inherently wrong and contradicts divine will.

• Conditional/Pragmatic Pacifism - Opposition to war based on practical considerations such as the devastating consequences of modern warfare, but may allow for violence in extreme circumstances like immediate self-defense.

• Nuclear Pacifism - Specific opposition to nuclear weapons and nuclear warfare while potentially accepting conventional military action, based on the unique and catastrophic nature of nuclear destruction.

• Just War Theory - Not pacifism but a framework for determining when war might be morally justified, requiring criteria like just cause, legitimate authority, right intention, last resort, and proportionality of response.

• Selective Pacifism - Opposition to particular wars or types of warfare deemed unjust while accepting that some military actions might be morally defensible under specific circumstances.

• Christian Pacifism - Rejection of violence based on Jesus's teachings about nonresistance, loving enemies, and turning the other cheek, viewing nonviolence as central to Christian discipleship.

• Nonviolent Resistance - Active opposition to injustice through peaceful means such as civil disobedience, protests, and economic boycotts, as practiced by figures like Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr.

The Crust of the Matter

Friday's exploration of Mark 5's healing stories has been resonating differently after our pause in scheduling. All three healings in that chapter involve boundary crossing - Jesus going to Gentile territory, allowing touch from an unclean woman, entering a house of death.

This week, as our family crossed our own boundaries of comfort and routine, I kept thinking about how healing often requires leaving familiar territory. The Gerasene demoniac couldn't be healed in his usual environment - Jesus had to cross the sea to reach him. The woman with chronic bleeding had to risk social violation to access the healing she needed.

Our scheduling break was obviously much less dramatic, but the principle holds. Sometimes restoration requires disrupting normal patterns, crossing boundaries we've established for safety or comfort, and trusting that the risk of discomfort might lead to unexpected grace.

The break healed things in our family relationships that I didn't even know needed healing. We discovered new ways of being together, new appreciations for each other's strengths, new confidence in our ability to handle challenges. None of that could have happened within our usual routines and environments.

Jesus's healing ministry consistently moves toward the margins - geographically, socially, ritually. Our little break was a tiny version of that same movement toward spaces outside our normal boundaries, and the restoration we found there feels like a small taste of kingdom power.

Pie To Go

🎸 Three demo songs have been recorded. Keep an eye out on IG to see when the new Lana Brown page goes up and will have links to our Soundcloud account.

🏋🏻‍♀️ I only worked out twice last week womp womp. But my body NEEDED it. I had three good nights of sleep and I’m still tired.

👩🏻‍💻 I’ve been building a small consulting firm called Equilux (yes that’s the previous name of my current firm). It’s my version of fighting AI injustice. In a similar manner to the topic of “this week’s special” the AI revolution IS happening and I’m worried that small, and especially marginalized, business owners will fall behind. So I want to give them super powers as well while at the same time strategizing how we can legislate and defund energy mismanagement. I’m doing some three free gigs this summer (one has already been taken) to build a clientele and get some reviews so if you’re company is struggling with anything operations related, chances are high that I can save you a lot of time and money by helping you optimize repeating tasks within project management, book keeping, HR, and policy development. HMU!

👩🏻‍💼 Speaking of new businesses. I’ve been brainstorming a non-profit called “I Am The Problem” that seeks to educate Americans about their unrecognized individual contributions to problems they oppose through community-driven, scholarly research that redirects focus from external blame to personal agency If “this week’s special” touched your heart - I don’t want to do this alone. Please join me as co-founders.

Thanks for being here, friends. If you made it this far after my unfiltered rant, THANK YOU even more.

With love,

Miche