Sunday Brunch

Bending Without Breaking: Love, Healthcare, and Summer Plans

A tent with a text box that says “This tent doesn’t seem to fit us like it use to.”

Good morning, beautiful humans! I'm writing this with my second cup of coffee (and chocolate granola) because the first one mysteriously disappeared while I was getting deep down the rabbit hole of explaining Dutch grammar to Kim. Spoiler alert, I failed. Because how does one translate “er is er een jarig?” What does the first “er” stand for and what does the second “er” stand for. But I digress, explaining Dutch to an American is impossible because Dutch is too idiomatic and so is English.

Family Slice

Last week we’ve been looking back at our marriage and our time together as a couple. Often times Kim gets told “you are so brave to stay with Miche for all this time” and it has always irked her. Mostly because it’s just not that simple (if you want to hear her version of why it annoys her so much, let me know and who knows, maybe we can arrange a newsletter takeover). But I am a completely different person than I was when she met me. We've been through coming out, multiple career changes, becoming parents, my transition, autism diagnosis, and now this latest chapter where the family dynamics have completely changed because, among other things, Kim has moved from full-time remote to full-time in office.

Looking back, I'm struck by how much we've both changed and how our relationship has adapted around each transformation. The person I married thirteen years ago fell in love with someone who was still figuring out fundamental things about identity and calling. The person she now loves is someone who has grown into herself in ways neither of us could have imagined back then.

We were talking about this over brekkie the other day - how relationships either bend or break under major life changes. We've chosen bending, again and again. Sometimes that bending feels like stretching to the breaking point, but then we find our footing in some new configuration that somehow works even better than what came before.

There's a grace in long-term partnerships that I'm only beginning to understand. We've seen each other at our worst and chosen to stay. We've celebrated each other's growth even when it meant renegotiating everything we thought we knew about our life together. We've learned that love isn't a feeling you maintain but a choice you make, especially during the seasons when everything else is shifting.

This Week's Special

My health insurance situation is about to change significantly, and it's got me thinking about healthcare as a basic human right versus a commodity to be purchased. With Kim's new job comes new insurance options, and we're navigating the complex world of coverage levels, provider networks, and prescription formularies.

For most people, switching insurance is an inconvenience. For trans people, it can be life-altering. Will my hormone therapy be covered? Can I keep my doctors who understand my medical history? Are my upcoming surgeries considered "cosmetic" or "medically necessary" by the new plan (spoiler alert, my facial feminization that has been planned for years and carefully thought out by a whole team of medical and mental health professionals is probably deemed cosmetic with my new plan)? These aren't abstract policy questions - they're the difference between continuing my healthcare or rationing medications I've been on for years.

The privilege of having employer-sponsored insurance through Kim's job isn't lost on me. We have choices that many people don't have. But even with good insurance, I'm spending hours on the phone with customer service representatives, comparing coverage documents, and trying to decode medical billing codes to figure out what my healthcare will actually cost.

The system is designed to be confusing, to make people give up, to create barriers between patients and care. When I think about the people without Kim's job benefits, without the time to navigate bureaucracy, without the knowledge to advocate for themselves, my heart breaks. Healthcare shouldn't require a graduate degree to access.

The Crust of the Matter

Friday's exploration of Mark 3 has been living in my head all week, especially Jesus's redefinition of family: "Whoever does the will of God is my brother and sister and mother." I keep thinking about how chosen family and biological family intersect in our daily life.

This week, watching Kim thrive in her new role while I've settled into being the primary kid-scheduler, I'm seeing how families constantly reshape themselves around new realities. We're not the same family structure we were six months ago, and that's beautiful rather than problematic.

Jesus didn't reject his biological family, but he expanded the definition of family to include everyone committed to love and justice. In our house, that looks like neighbors (I’m talking about you Leah) who text to check if we need anything from the store, friends who show up for school events when schedules get crazy, and kids who've learned that families come in all different configurations.

The will of God that creates these bonds isn't mysterious or complicated. It's showing up, paying attention, choosing generosity over scarcity, and making space for everyone to belong. Let me say that again: paying attention is doing the will of God.

Momhood

Our camping adventure is shaping up! I must confess that I do enjoy a rabbit hole and this one is finding affordable family tents, campgrounds that are family friendly, and something that’s about two hours away that checks all our boxes: safe, welcoming, and close enough to civilization that if things go sideways, we can bail gracefully. Thank you for everyone that texted and message me last week.

Now it’s time to hand over the baton to my son so he can start planning this trip with the intensity of organizational audit. I expect him to make lists, research campfire cooking techniques, and practice setting up our borrowed tent (because borrowing a tent is the most budget way haha) in the backyard. I’m looking forward to watch him take ownership of this adventure and enjoy that stepping back means letting kids lead their own experiences.

I'll be honest - camping isn't naturally my thing. I like indoor plumbing and climate control and knowing where my coffee maker is at all times. But saying yes to experiences your children are excited about, even when they push you outside your comfort zone typically means a lot of fun.

Being the mom who makes adventures happen, who research campgrounds and packs emergency snacks and figures out how to fit everyone's gear in the car - this version of motherhood feels both completely natural and entirely surprising. I'm someone who finds deep satisfaction in the logistics of love. ASD anyone haha.

Pie To Go

🚴🏽‍♀️ My new old mountain bike is completely fixed! Thanks Rag and Bones for helping get it set up and thanks Cherilyn and Tripper for giving me your old bike!

＠ I’ve been on socials again… because I need to for my book writing. Anyone notice how reactive everything is? Like, I’m confrontational in person but I doubt any of these people would say those things to my face haha.

🎸 Did I tell ya’ll that Hot V is on a hiatus and I’m now focussing on Lana Brown, my acoustic project? Well, Lana Brown now has a full band and I can’t be more excited. Five songs are fully finished and I’ll be sharing some snippets of them on my IG

With love and caffeinated gratitude,

Miche (who needs a Fat Rabbit quiche)