I Never Agreed to This?

Society Is What We Say (Or Don't Say) It Is

I remember when my friend

Anthony Parrott

and I sat in a meeting. He said, "I was reading this comic panel, and it went like this: one eagle asked another eagle, 'Do you think the owl is a predator?' And the other eagle says, 'Of course not. He’s never bothered me.' In the next panel, they're just quiet. Then, in the final panel, the first eagle says, 'No idea what Mr. Mouse was going on about.’”

Over the next few weeks, I'll continue to explore my intersectional identities and how understanding intersectionality can help us create a more inclusive church that presents a more beautiful gospel. If you missed the previous installments, you can catch up on White Jesus, Layering the Indo Experience, and A Mile in New Shoes.

Today, we're diving further into the complex layers of womanhood and how intersectionality shapes our experiences.

The Patriarchy

My first incident of harassment on the street wouldn't be the last one, unfortunately, and it wouldn't take long for me to find out that this world was built by men and for men. When I shared more stories of harassment with other girlfriends, they were all able to share at least one story of how guys made them feel uncomfortable as well. The immediate thoughts I had when I heard this was, "If so many people have these stories, why is no one doing anything about this?" and "Are moms even telling their sons to be careful with how they conduct themselves?"

As time passed and my transition progressed, I had many more encounters similar to the ones I mentioned last week. Some of them are small micro aggressions, like the day I was sitting in a coffee shop with headphones on, doing some work, and a guy came and sat right next to me, asking me for "help" with his technical problems. Or when I was sitting on the bleachers watching my son swim, and a guy manspread right behind me, with his belly practically touching my back. Or when a guy stopped in the middle of the street, yelling, "Hey mama, my phone number is xxx." If you're a woman, you know exactly what I'm talking about. I've been told as much by my female-presenting friends, in such a uniform way it’s almost comical.

I remember when I told a colleague that by taking progesterone in cycles, I could mimic ovulation. I wasn't prepared for having monthly moments of distress and emotional emptiness. My colleague said, "Miche, I'm so sorry! But also, Miche, I feel SO seen." Another time, I was going to the botanical garden with a friend, and I shared how there was a guy who sat behind me in the pews at the Episcopal Church and grabbed me by the shoulders, with his mouth inches from my ear, saying, "Your kids are so lovely." I still get shivers as I'm writing about this experience. My friend opened her mouth in shock and then started uncomfortably laughing at the same time. She just said, "This is so terrible, but it also weirdly makes me feel seen." Again, if you're a woman, you may feel the same. You may read this and say to yourself, "Yup, been there." It gets worse - I retold this entire story to another friend, and she said, "Wow, when I heard your story, the only thing I could think of was the safety of your kids. I've already discounted myself so much..."

Of course, we can't forget about the men who try to be "pro-women." I shared the hormone story on a reel on Instagram, and it didn't take long for me to receive a comment saying, "You're being so disrespectful to women by making women out to be overly emotional beings." Okay, bro, not only do I have to deal with a different hormonal norm, but I also get to hear a man giving me some trans hate.

I could probably fill pages with these stories, and they need to be told. The point I'm trying to make is that even a person like me, who has been a closeted trans woman her entire life, was unable to see the daily struggles that women have to go through. Just like the story we started with: an eagle is unable to even comprehend what a mouse goes through. This uncomfortable reality is called privilege and is something that we can't underestimate. The thing is, being confronted with the fact that you have privilege may feel uncomfortable, but it is in no way a reason to dismiss it.