God Shows Up in the Unexpected

And other thoughts from my new job at Richmond Hill

If you’ve never read this newsletter before and are here because you read the Richmond Hill newsletter, you can skip the first two paragraphs.

On October 1st, I started a new job at Richmond Hill. Richmond Hill is an ecumenical fellowship that stewards an urban retreat center located in a historic monastery. YES, I’m working in a historic monastery! For those interested, in the 19th century the Order of the Visitation of Holy Mary sent some sisters here to Richmond to establish a monastery and a girls’ school; they remained until 1987, when they moved to Rockville. Richmond Hill bought this place that year (how they did so is a story for another time), and we’ve been here ever since. I just started here on October 1st as their new Director of Operations, and I am fully committed to this role and the community it serves.

This reflection will introduce me to the people of Richmond Hill. But it will also give y’all some background as to why I disappeared for a few months. And yes, I still serve on the Transmission Ministry Collective and intend to do so for at least another year. And, also, yes, I will continue to write my book slowly. But because of this professional shift, some things had to be dropped. My consulting firm will be slowly closing its doors after serving all my faithful clients for years. My start-up businesses will also close their doors, and I’ve also stepped down from my duties as a board member of Stonewall Sports. My goal with this transition is both to serve my local community AND to take a break from nationwide activism. I’ve been tired y’all and I think it’s time for a younger generation of trans activists to take over.

Meeting Jesus at Battery Park Pool

But if you’re here because you clicked on a link in the Richmond Hill Newsletter, let me introduce myself properly.

Hi, my name is Dr. Miche Ilana van Essen, although most people call me Lana. I’m the new Director of Operations for Richmond Hill. My faith background has been quite interesting, to say the least. I was born in a Pentecostal commune in Amsterdam, moved to Israel in 1987, went to an orthodox Jewish school, and wanted nothing to do with Jesus until I was 29. While I still consider myself Jewish and pride myself on that heritage, I met Jesus when I was 29, and we have had a rocky relationship ever since. When I moved to America, I was already working with a therapist to transition. But when I arrived in America and got married to my wife, the gender roles and the church in America shoved me back in the closet. Let’s say metrosexual Miche became super masculine Michel in America. It was during this time that I became connected to some bible churches in Virginia, and ultimately I ended up as a Worship Pastor at Independent Bible Church in Port Angeles, Washington.

My story in Richmond starts in 2021. I stepped down from my pastoral position, and my family and I moved to Richmond in April of 2021. My gender dysphoria was screaming at me, and I came out to my wife that year, started hormones in September, and have been proudly out as a transgender woman since. It was also during this time that followers of Jesus were the most damaging to my mental health. I cried myself to sleep so many times due to nasty messages from old friends and community members, because of death threats, and online harassment. But more painful than all of that was that the inclusive church that I went to here in Richmond hurt me so much more than the conservative church did. Let’s say, I’d rather go into a space that is overtly anti LGBTQ+ than go into a building with a rainbow flag on the outside that can’t handle our LGBTQ+ identities.

Enter last summer. I was introduced to a community member of Richmond Hill when my kids and I went swimming at Battery Park pool. And what was supposed to be a networking meeting started a chain of serendipitous events that I ascribe to the work of the Holy Spirit. Yes, you heard that right, skeptical Lana is ascribing something to the Holy Spirit. But how can I not?

For example, in the last year, I have been in talks with a close friend who just came out and is struggling to reconcile her theology and church community life with her sexual orientation. But the reality is, our conversations were as helpful to me as to her. I was the one who started feeling closer to Jesus again.

Meanwhile, I also hang out with a group of Jewish moms, and we’ve been doing so for the last three years. This year felt different for some reason. I felt the joy again of participating in my Jewish heritage. Here, too, I used to feel like the person who was bringing spirituality to a group of Jewish moms, but instead, they’ve brought spirituality to me.

The serendipity is this: every time I was brought into a conversation to share about faith, my gender or sexual identity, my asian heritage, I’ve been surprised by how much I was poured into. I have been so used to pouring into other people that I think I had forgotten how it feels to be poured into.

So, back to Battery Park Pool. I thought I was there to pour into another person, but instead she and her husband poured into me. Likewise, I thought I was coming to Richmond Hill to pour into them, and they have been pouring into me—big time. I am deeply grateful for the support and love I have received from this community.

Walking through the gardens that are connected to my office, joining their Rule of Life, seeing an intentional community that has actually worked for the last 40 years, and, dare I say, being part of a community that is inclusive to my gender identity BECAUSE of their love for Christ, rather than a policy change, has been a breath of fresh air. Now I don’t find myself crying myself to sleep because of the hate Christians give me, but I cry myself to sleep because of the love Christians give me.

I have seen an ecumenical community that takes the ecumenical part seriously. For example, last Tuesday I attended one of their evening services to participate in communion. It was a lovely mixture of Anglo-Baptist, Non-Denominational, UCC, Episcopal, and Presbyterian ministers who led the entire service. And when the call for communion was made and they said, “all are welcome to the table,” I jokingly responded with, “even Jews?” They very seriously looked me in the eyes (well, tried to because I don’t look people in the eyes, but that’s a different story) and unapologetically said, “ALL are welcome.”

I will cry!

So Here We are

In case you’re not into my spiritual journey and are primarily concerned with what I can bring to Richmond Hill, I’m actually pretty competent as well. As I mentioned above, my name is Dr. Miche Ilana van Essen. I have a degree in Jewish Liturgy, an MA in Global Leadership from Fuller Theological Seminary, and a DMin with a specialization in Leadership in Higher Ed from Pacific School of Religion. Besides my roles as worship leader and worship pastor, I’ve been a UX Designer and Management Consultant for the last decade. I’ve served many for-profit and non-profit organizations, helping them achieve their maximum potential. I’m very excited to bring all those years of experience to augment, but not change, Richmond Hill.

If you made it this far, thank you for your patience. I will slowly get back to writing again as I get my bearings, and I am excited to share more about Richmond Hill as we grow accustomed to each other.